Dear Mental Health Professional,

My 5-year-old loves Halloween and gets so excited about trick-or-treating. But last year, things didn't go as planned. He got scared and overwhelmed, had a meltdown, and we had to go home early.

He has a hard time with loud noises and gets scared by some costumes and decorations. He also gets upset when he gets candy he doesn't like or wasn't expecting. I want him to enjoy Halloween, but I'm worried we will have another tough night.

I don't want to skip trick-or-treating because I know how much he looks forward to it. How can I help him feel more prepared and enjoy the night? What can I do when he gets scared, overwhelmed, or upset about something unexpected?

Sincerely,

Spooky Season Struggle

Dear Spooky Season Struggle,

It can definitely be hard as a parent to fight the battle between wanting to allow our children to have fun experiences while also wanting to protect them from stressful situations. This can be even more difficult when it comes to events that involve a lot of unknowns. The best thing to do in this situation is to focus on the portions of the event that are within your control, rather than those outside of your control. For example, you cannot control the actions of other trick-or-treaters, but you can control who your child interacts with and how you both respond.

Here are some areas that you could consider focusing on:

1. Location: If you take your child to a familiar area or focus on homes you are familiar with, this could limit the unknowns regarding how others may interact with your child. For example, if you have specific neighbors who are familiar with your child or take your child to family members’ homes, you could eliminate some of the stress regarding how people may respond to your child and vice versa. Also, if going out makes you too nervous, you could always find ways to have fun indoors at home, such as inviting over family or friends and having your own small Halloween event.

2. Time: The actual time as well as the amount of time are two areas within your control. If you take your child out as soon as trick-or-treating starts, it may limit the number of people out and about, which could mean fewer opportunities to encounter scary costumes or large crowds. If you are out prior to it being dark, it may also limit decorations and homes appearing scary. To set expectations for your time outside, try setting a timer for 30 minutes or identifying a specific number of houses that you will go to before going back home. It’s always important to pay attention to your child’s behavior cues as well. If you notice him getting agitated, anxious, or more emotional, then it may be time to head back home or take a short break.

3. Social Skill Rehearsal: As a parent, I can relate to holding my breath in certain scenarios, wondering what my child will say. I remember at one point my son was going through a phase of not liking suckers, and we went to a parade where he would turn away or close his bag, saying “I don’t like suckers” any time someone attempted to hand it to him. After the event, I ended up talking to him about a more polite way to respond, such as “no thank you” or simply thanking them and accepting the sucker, knowing that he could pass it along or trade with someone later. I learned quickly that these small rehearsals not only made me feel less anxious about interactions, but also made him more confident in having a response that we practiced ahead of time. In a similar way, you could practice various trick-or-treating scenarios with your child at home leading up to the event and give small reminders throughout the actual event. It is also helpful to give your child positive feedback after they use appropriate social skills, such as “great job being polite and saying thank you.” That way, you are reinforcing the positive behavior throughout the night.

My final piece of advice is to go into the event with a plan in place, but be prepared to be flexible. Oftentimes, we do not know how children will respond the day of an event, which can be related to multiple factors such as not sleeping well the night before, having an emotional day, etc. It is important to pay attention to behavior and emotional cues, have as many plans in place as possible, but not hesitate to abandon the plan if the need arises. Consider carrying a backpack of items such as snacks, comfort items, noise-cancelling headphones, etc., to use as needed, but don’t be afraid to simply abort the mission and stay home if the situation warrants it. Just know that you are doing your best and your child will have so much fun on Halloween no matter what you decide to do! 

As always, if you or your child needs extra support for your mental health, you can contact us at 419-841-7701 to discuss setting up a new patient appointment!

Sincerely,

Leslie LeFevre, PhD, LPCC-S

Clinical Director of Youth Services