Dear Leslie,

Every morning I watch the news, and there seems to always be another shooting or act of violence in my community. I feel stuck, but can’t afford to move. There is so much violence in the world, and it makes me want to isolate myself and my kids to shield them from everything happening. I’m trying to figure out how to help my kids feel safe when I often don’t even feel safe.

Sincerely,

Scared Mom

Dear Scared Mom,

As a parent myself, I can definitely relate to wanting to protect your child’s innocence as much as possible and shield them from anything bad happening to them. Some days, I want to wrap my kids in bubble wrap and never let them out of my sight.

Unfortunately, it is unrealistic to protect them from every possible bad thing, and it’s a normal part of life to learn how to cope through negative events. In situations like this that feel out of your control, the best thing you can do is prepare your children to the best of your ability. While some might think talking about potential negative events could create unnecessary anxiety and stress in children, research shows that the opposite is actually true: the more prepared kids feel for a negative event, the less anxious they are to face it.

The more we have open, honest conversations (on a kid-friendly level that matches their age) and give them space to ask questions, the better prepared children are for handling difficult moments. This also opens the door for them to feel comfortable coming to you when they are unsure of a situation when it occurs. If you think about fire drills, tornado drills, and active-shooter drills that occur in school or work settings, they all have one main goal in mind: preparing us for the worst-case scenario by giving us a specific plan of action to follow. These drills occur during moments of calm, so we can think logically and retain the information. That way if an event, such as a fire, takes place, we are more likely to remember the information and follow the instructions during moments of distress. Having specific plans for your home could give you and your children a sense of control. It could also give you comfort knowing your children have a plan to stay safe! The website www.ready.gov/plan includes great resources for both children and adults to help create household plans for various disasters and emergency situations. This can be a great resource for starting the conversation with your children.

I also think it is important to be mindful of the information you are surrounding yourself with. It can be easy to feel like the entire area is nothing but violence if the only source of information we are consuming is news outlets or social media platforms that focus on violent stories. For example, when you turn on the morning news, it is typically breaking news stories about something tragic that occurred overnight or during the morning hours, not a happy story about something positive that happened. If this is our only source of information for the day, it can be difficult to see the positive that is happening in our area, which often greatly outnumbers the acts of violence. It is important to find the balance between staying informed regarding significant, current events, and knowing when to step back if it seems to be impacting your mental health or feelings of safety. Our children often look to us during times of distress or unfamiliar situations to see how we respond, so it is important to ensure we are taking care of our own mental health to assist us in modeling this behavior for our children.

A final recommendation is not to let a traumatic situation keep you from living life, engaging in fun activities as a family, and enjoying the summer. The more we avoid something, the harder it can be to return to it due to the anxiety getting stronger regarding that specific situation. Instead, consider pre-selecting activities that you feel comfortable with, having a plan to prepare yourself and your children ahead of time, and keeping the lines of communication open between you and your children. It is important for our children to feel comfortable bringing things to our attention, even if it seems like something minor at the time. Kids are often taught “if you see something, say something” in the school setting, and this can be just as important to follow across all settings.

As always, if you or your child needs extra support for your mental health, you can contact us at 419-841-7701 to discuss setting up a new client appointment. Our Crisis Care team is also available 24/7 to anyone in Lucas County. 

Sincerely,

Leslie LeFevre, PhD, LPCC-S
Clinical Director of Youth Services

If you have a topic, question, or issue that you would like to learn more about, submit it to me by emailing [email protected]! 

For further support or more information about the services we offer at Zepf Center, call 419-841-7701 to schedule a new client appointment.